Sunday, March 27, 2022

Parental Alienation: What Moral Responsibilities Do Family Members of The Parent Committing Parental Alienation Have?

Let’s discuss a part of parental alienation that doesn’t get discussed much: the accountability and moral responsibility of the family and friends of the parent conducting the alienation. 

Take my situation as an example as it’s a common one:

The family and friends of of my sons’ mother all know her medical history. They all know that for 7 years, I had to care for her during her outbreaks of self-violence. They all know that she was violent towards me and even provided me moral help during the worst moments of her violence. They know the limits of my sons’ mother’s capability so well that they had to convince me to allow her to hire a night-nanny to care for him and she refused to parent him at night versus the option of sleep.

But most importantly, the family and friends of my sons’ mother all know how much I love and care for my son. 

They’d see me care for him alone when his mother had episodes and left to stay at a hotel. They’d see me cooking his meals, changing his diapers, playing with him and being the most valuable thing in any child’s life: an emotionally present parent.

Yet when the marriage ended, the family of my ex-wife said nothing about what she was doing. 

They not only refused to denounce her false claims which they knew were untrue, but went as far as denying IP stamped emails they had sent me in the past.

These false claims escalated into a court case, which I won because of having all of the actual evidence of her being the person committing violence. 

But even after that, the family and friends still said nothing.

They knew that my sons mother was keeping him from his father, not allowing him to have a relationship with his dad. 

And they did nothing.

The pinnacle of inaction came when the court appointed psychologist proposed my son finally be able to spend nights with his me. The next day his mother Amadeu false accusations that I had raped my son, with the guarantor/nanny who was present, co-conspiring to allow it to happen. 

And yet the family and friends of my ex-wife continued to remain silent.

It’s been 3.5 years since I was able to have a normal relationship as a parent, raising and caring for my son. 

And through it all, the family and friends of the person harming my son and making him a victim of parental alienation, have done nothing.

My story is nearly identical to many others suffering from parental alienation.

The question is, “Why”?

Why are people silent when there are atrocities committed by family members, even when they are directly harming another family member, in this case a grandson or nephew?

What role does culture play?

In most American, Canadian and European cultures, there is a stronger drive to put the community and what is morally right for an individuals rights first.  It’s not uncommon for family and friends of these cultures to shun the parent responsible for the parental alienation after demanding that they do what is right and put the child’s well-being first. 

I’ve personally been told by American friends, including some of the closest people I’ve had in my life, that if I kept my son away from his mother as his mother has done to me, that they’d be done with me. They put morality and my sons well-being first, over our years of friendship. 

And I would do the same.

This isn’t always the same in some Latin cultures. In a country like Chile, where over 99% of custody is by mothers, regardless of mental health or economic stability, the role of the father is very much marginalized. Fathers provide money to the family as the primary role. A child, regardless of gender, is expected to be more closely connected to the mother and not the father. When there is a divorce, a Chilean father is expected to pay for nearly all of the child’s costs, and in return, they get 4 visits per month.

As a result of the marginalization of fathers in Chile, even in cases where a mother is breaking laws and traumatizing a child trough parental alienation, the family and friends opt to do nothing to stop it.

In fact, the families of mothers committing parental alienation commit a far more egregious moral crime: they actually support the mother, despite knowing what she is doing to harm her children.

So, for the other victims of parental alienation reading this, what roles have the family and friends of your child’s mother played through your struggle?

Have they provided you support or have they taken a role of silence? 

What more responsibilities do people feel the family and friends of a person committing parental alienation actually hold? 

Should supporting the person committing the crimes be the norm because they are “family” or should the family put the child’s well being first?

Let’s discuss!


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