Sunday, May 8, 2022

Happy Mother’s Day

 

Alexander at birth on January, 18, 2016


Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there!

Mother’s Day is difficult if you are divorced and znot with your child today as a father.

Especially being an alienated father.

You have this person, an obstacle,  blocking your relationship with your child. And with that comes not being there to do things on Mother’s Day that a father should do for their children.

In one reality, a father could be cooking breakfast for their family to celebrate. 

For me, even if divorced, I always expected to be there for Alexander and still be there for the mother of my child today today.

For many fathers like me, the mother of my child used to be my former spouse, my entire world before we made a child and that became our new #1 priority. 

Mother’s Day for 2017-2018 meant buying my wife gifts with Alexander, for him to give to her and say they were from him…Alexander being all cute because he thinks that what gift-giving is.

Putting my son first to do something that will make him a better and happy person when he looks back at his life. 

That was my role as a married parent and that’s always been my goal in life post-divorce.

I did this the first year after the divorce, buying her gifts from Alexander, but it didn’t take. 

I sent Esther a Mother’s Day bouquet of flowers with a teddy bear attached from Alexander. Alexander and I weren’t having visits then for a long time, 6 months apart in 2019, so we couldn’t coordinate. So he assumed the bear was for him. 

We were able to do this for Christmas in 2020. 

I made some recommendations for Christmas gifts for his mother and Alexander chose. 

Then before Christmas, we wrapped them together with Alexander doing 90% of the wrapping. I wrote the “To: Mama” and “From:” and he wrote his name. He did all the paper cutting and taping himself. 

This was my real Christmas gift to Alexander, something that is his birthright: a father being a parent to his child about expressing love and appreciation on a holiday. 


I also received the best gift of my life from this gift-buying experience for his mother.


Alexander, at 4 years old, asked me to go wait in the bedroom. We then went around the house and starting taking things and wrapping them up. He attempted to write his own labels.

When he was done, he had a pile of wrapped gifts and he said “To Papa, de Alexander”. 

He wanted me to have gifts for under the Christmas tree. From him. 

That was the best Christmas gift of my life because they were from my sons heart.


If you’re reading this Alexander, I’m sorry I’m not there for you today. To cook breakfast with you for you to bring your mother for breakfast in bed. To be there for you to receive the gifts from me to give to her on your own, without me in the room. 


My feeling about Mother’s Day as an alienated father is simple:

Alienated fathers have been through hell. The mothers of our children are directly responsible for us not having a relationship with our children. 

But there is still nothing I wouldn’t do for my son. I’d be genuinely happy doing anything to make him happy and healthy.



So for all the fathers out there…today is a day to celebrate.

If it weren’t for the mothers of your children, they would not exist. 

Current pain aside for a moment for all of us.

That period in your life, albeit a marriage or a single night, was not just an emotional or spiritual sync, it resulted in a DNA connection! This woman chose to become a mother and put in the time to bring this beautiful creation into your world! A man can break 2 legs and 2 arms and still have more time to heal than a woman puts it to being pregnant, giving birth and healing.

So regardless of the external noise, the pain we suffer as alienated fathers, today is a sabbatical. Today we give thanks to the mothers who brought our children…whom we love so dearly…into this world.

Regardless of the pain, these mothers have given us the best gift ever: our reason for being, for never giving up, our children!

Happy Mother’s Day, everyone.


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