Saturday, September 9, 2023

🗣️September 9th is Falsely Accused Day: My Experience with False Allegations and Parental Alienation

 🗣️September 9th is Falsely Accused Day.


For many fathers, false accusations are the cornerstone of the strategies the alienating parent uses in parental alienation to systematically try to remove the targeted parent from the children’s life.


I’ve heard from countless fathers reaching out for help, share their story, and I’m amazed that all too often it they are use tusk to my own, and why I opted to help other fathers struggling with parental alienation.

My Experience with False Allegations and Parental Alienation

My story started with threats of divorce and to move to a foreign country which I would not be able to get a visa, in order to live near my son if divorced.


This was followed by the occasional reminder that she had consulted with divorce lawyers already. 


So on September 10th, 2018, the mother of my child started her crusade of false allegations by accusing me of domestic violence in order to trigger a legal reaction she was trained professionally for.


In Chile, as divorce was illegal until 2004, lawyers had exploited a system made to properly protect women from domestic violence, by using this law to allow for divorce under circumstances of protection.


Unfortunately, lawyers also utilized this rightful protection law by “reminding” women that if there was domestic violence they could get a divorce in any case. Furthermore, the now divorcing mother would get immediate custody of all children.


Like so many other fathers, we are then left to have to defend ourselves in long delayed trials without contact with our children when no violence by the party even existed.


For me, that meant just the occasional visit with my son when his mother would randomly reach out to me. These rare visits were never planned, so I always had to drop what I was doing to see my son whether it was a work meeting, lawyer meeting, etc.


The false charges of domestic violence were dropped after I won the court case 11 months later.


I received 2 visits per week for a combined 4 hours total. Visits were supervised with a nanny that my son’s mother hired the day after I moved out to raise him as I was no longer the stay-at-home dad.


Our thoughts as alienated parents is that the false accusations stop there. Once the alienating parent loses a trial, there’s hope that they will opt to co-parent and instead prioritize the child.


But that is seldom the case.


For me, the next false accusation was child abuse.


Like so many cases of parental alienation, alienating parents react to triggers with actions such as false allegations.


In September 2019, just weeks after getting the 4 hours court-approved legal visits, my son’s mother opted to skip visits without notifying me and relocated to the north of Chile, a 4 hour flight away.


When my lawyer reported this breech of the visitation agreement, it triggered my ex-wife to react with more false allegations.


The first came just 1 week later when I attended my sons dance recital at her invitation. When she arrived and saw me, she called the police claiming I had no right to be there. 


The next day I had a visit with my son and as a rarity, he misbehaved by licking his fingers and putting them in various sugar jars on the cafe tables. When as a parent I finally had to use a firmer tone and say that “doing that was bad”, the non-English speaking nanny said that in Chile you can’t “call kids bad”. In other words, since she did not speak English she did not know the difference between telling a child they are behaving “badly” versus telling a child “you are bad”.


That was the last time I saw my son in 2019 as his mother filed false claims in the court that I had committed child abuse against my son. The false accusations even included photos of bruises on his back despite my never touching him other than softly removing his hand from a sugar jar.



For alienated parents, the false accusations just never stop.


After finally getting visitations again at the end of February 2020, my ex-wife moved to Arica with my son. She leveraged her role in the government to know that the country was about to close down the airline travel business due to the pandemic. She lied to the courts in saying she had not intended to be “stuck” there but the fact that she did not tell me she was traveling with my son and that the visits would be missed, and the fact that she packed for 6 months and 2 seasons showed that it wasn’t a simple week-long vacation.



As many parents have dealt with, the more positive a legal result is for the targeted parent, the larger the false accusation is.


On March 4, 2021, the court-appointed family therapist made the recommendation to dissolve the previous court agreement of 3 phases of reunification between my son and I, to fast track our relationship.


Going forward that next week, visits would no longer be supervised.


Two weeks later, my son would start sleeping over in his bedroom at my home.


But alienating parents have a plan to combat legal rulings that are not in their favor by utilizing false accusations.


On March 6, 2021, just 24 hours after the family therapist recommended more visits, the mother of my son accused me of sexually molesting my son and that the gauruntor who was present for all visits, was complicit as well.


For the next 7 months, she would block every visit despite the court agreement. 


That was the last day I saw my son as the trial for the false allegations of sexual abuse still has no date as of September 2023.


My son was 5 when I saw him last. He turns 8 in January 2024.


It wasn’t until a few months ago that I even knew what city of even country my son lives in. 


All a result of 5 years of false allegations to force the parental alienation.







What is going “too far” when you don’t know where your children are and you have court-ordered visitations blocked by the other parent for 5 months?


You report every missed visit to the police, the reports are shared to lawyers, and the lawyers share with the family court.


But when the court doesn’t respond to enforce the visitations by holding the parent in contempt of court, and you don’t even know what city or even what country your child is living in, given the other parent is a diplomat, what do you do?


In August 2021, after 5 months of custodial blocking, violating court-ordered visits, I took matters into my own hands to retrieve information about my sons whereabouts. 


I hung flyers in the neighborhood asking to email me if you’ve seen my son locally, because I didn’t know if his mother had moved to another city 23 hours driving away AGAIN…or even another country, without telling me.


Fast forward, to September 2023…over two years later, and I have a trial about this matter.


But it’s not a trial forcing my sons mother to communicate with me to tell me where my son lives…what city, what country, where he’s going to school, what his grades are like, what subjects he loves and which ones he might have struggles with. Not a trial to force my sons mother to share medical records, tell me how he’s doing.


It’s a defense trial.


The criminal court in Chile wants to charge me with harassment in 2023 for hanging flyers asking my sons whereabouts in 2021.


The same courts that wouldn’t prioritize enforcing court ordered visits for 5 years, allowing blocked visitation gaps of 9-10 months at times in which seeing my son was entirely in the hands of my ex-wife, despite court ordered parenting agreements.


On September 12, 2023, I have a defense trial, to avoid prison, for hanging flyers and posting on my blog, asking where my son was as he was illegally taken given the court-ordered visits.


This is an aspect of parental alienation that is all too common. The child suffers, the other parent suffers, and when the alienated parent does something as simple as a blog post or a flyer, they are the party that is at fault in the eyes of the court. 


False allegations aren’t always so direct as domestic violence and child abuse. Sometimes they are as in this upcoming trial, “harassment”, as a way to go on offense against a desperate parent trying to find where their children are as court-ordered visitations are blocked by the alienating parent.

If a father denies a visit, the police arrive. A mother can block visits indefinitely, and the police will only react if the court specifically demands action.


Parental alienation is about navigating this hypocritical space where no two things are equal. 


If a father doesn’t return a child after a visit, it’s kidnapping and the police arrive immediately and the father is arrested and looses all visitation rights.


Yet a mother can perform custodial blocking, intentionally aiming to eliminate the father from the child’s life for segments of months or even years, and the police and the courts do nothing to reprimand the mother, to enforce even something legally binding like court ordered visits. 


This is parental alienation.


Not returning a child at the exact agreed time is a fault of the parent on their visit. If it were a 24-hour period, it’s kidnapping.


Yet, when a parent blocks court-ordered visitations once, twice, 5 months, 5 years, it’s considered “a shame” I’m the minds of society (and the courts) versus being a crime.


Nobody expects the police or courts to do anything about custodial blocking. It’s just considered “a shame”. Not the breaking of a law. Not kidnapping by custodial blocking. Just “a shame”.


So on September 12, 2023, I fight in my trial for my son, Alexander, because he deserves his loving father in his life. I’ll fight for any other father who did something as simple as hang a flyer trying to find their missing children. 


Fathers and children have rights. And it’s time the courts prioritize what is right and regardless of gender, treat parents equally for the benefit of children.




If you’re a falsely accused parent suffering from parental alienation, the only advice I can give is to never give up your fight. The legal system is crushing, but every effort you make to protect

your children is an outlet for your love for them. Don’t give up.


Please consider sharing some of the statistical images below today to increase awareness of false allegations and parental alienation.


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